Nonviolent Communication (NVC)

1544 2018-10-14 01:05

Why Nonviolent Communication?

To improve communication quality by valuing everyone’s needs. Judgments and violence are tragic expressions of unmet needs.

What NVC is not

  • NOT about being nice.
  • NOT about making them to do what we want. It’s about mutual understanding.

Ways to enhance connection & understanding:

  1. vulnerably express our feelings & needs
    • conciousness of the ongoing feelings & needs
    • vulnerability of exposing feelings & needs
  2. empathically listen to the feelings & needs ofthe other.
    • Qualities of empathic listening: presence, focus, space, caring, verbal reflection of feelings & needs
    • NOT advising, fixing, consoling, story-telling, sympathizing, analyzing, explaining, …
    • No matter what is said, hear only feelings, needs, observations & requests

e.g. Are you feeling … because you need …?

Ways to alienate us from one another

  • Diagnoses, judgments, labels, analysis, criticism, comparisons, etc.
  • Deserve thinking (i.e. that certain behaviors merit punishment or rewards)
    • Demands (denial of other person’s choice; intention to punish those who don’t do it)
    • Denial of choice or responsibility (had to, should, supposed to, they made me do it, etc.)
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